EAST RUTHERFORD, NJ

As the New York Giants begin the 2016 season under new head coach Ben McAdoo, quarterback Eli Manning’s biggest fear is once again having to shower with his fellow teammates after every game. While excited for the upcoming battle for the NFC East, Eli is dreading the inability to shower in the privacy of his own home everyday. His Giants teammates told reporters that even after 12 years in the NFL, Eli still feels very uncomfortable showering around other players. They described his tendency to nervously wait until everyone else has already left to get in the shower. When he doesn’t have time to wait, Eli wears a bathing suit. Apparently this has become a sensitive subject for the two-time Super Bowl MVP.

“It’s called a bathing suit for a reason, right?” he snapped at a reporter who brought up his unusual tendencies in a post-game interview.

When asked about his son’s timid behavior, Archie Manning let out a deep sigh. “Eli’s always had trouble being comfortable when naked around people. Ever since he was a kid, he’s hated going to saunas. When he stared playing football for his middle school, he would come home still drenched in sweat because he refused to shower in the locker room. He’s more of a bath man.”

Eli’s baths have become somewhat famous around the Manning household. Archie Manning even compared his bath methods to his performance on the field. “Eli goes into a bath like he goes into a football game. He knows what he’s doing, he prepares early on, and he executes. He really pulls out all the stops. Bubbles, bath salts, flower petals. He’ll sometimes even light a candle or two. It’s a whole experience.”

Unfortunately for Eli, he was unable to take as many baths as he would have liked this past season. He told reporters that every time he tried to set up one of his special baths in the locker room, his teammates would laugh and make fun of him, and sometimes play keep-away with his bottles of bubbles and salts.

Former Denver Broncos quarterback and older brother Peyton Manning also chimed in on the discussion. “Yeah Eli’s a real coward when it comes to showering, always has been. I myself love taking showers. Sometimes I sing in there, sometimes I have a good cry. I’m usually in the shower for about an hour. Dad used to get pretty pissed.” Peyton then let out a good-natured laugh that lasted over 5 minutes.

At 35, Eli’s downright fear of showering around other people comes as quite a shock to many fans, and at times has caused his teammates to question his leadership on the field. Eli has shown no signs of overcoming this phobia, and has even requested that the Giants install a private shower/bathtub in the home locker room so he can feel at peace. Until then, he will have to continue to go about his bathing routine in a state of constant panic.